Spring is often a time of discontent for me. I find myself restless and reflective. Actually I am not so much reflective at this time of year as avoidant of reflection.
Helen and I have not been as close as either of us would like to be lately. In part because we have been encased in our own worlds and in part because we just haven’t been putting the effort into our relationship that we could. I find the distance and my own restlessness are not a good combination. Most recently we have both been sick: making the physical closeness that feeds us both not practical.
I woke up this morning feeling cold and lonely. The coldness a result of the recent removal of the winter blanket from our bed. The loneliness a result of the distance that has grown between us. As I lay there it occurred to me that if I was cold Helen was likely to be colder. I cuddled up to her to warm her up.
As I lay snuggled up to Helen I realized; despite my restlessness, despite the current gap between us, despite “what’s going around,” she is my sunshine, my soul mate and the woman who knows me more than anyone else.
I also realized part of my own restlessness is a result of inaction on my own part. Perhaps the best path out of my spring restlessness is to bring my honey in closer rather than passively watching the distance between us grow.